None of the excitement from the play off final.

Bath City v Woking
Sunday 9th May 2010
Conference South Play Off Final. Twerton Park, Bath

All of a flap at Twerton

Bath City FC v Chelmsford City FC
Tuesday 27th April 2010
Conference South Play Off Semi Final First Leg

Twerton Park, Bath
Attendance: 1425

Post work tinpot? Tinpot in the Spring? The chance of a few post work beers with the promise of some tinpottery? Yes please.

With Weymouth's season having finished early last October and the majority of the rest of the leagues now coming to close the chance for some non league football is now at a premium, which made the all important (hmm) Conference South Play Off Semi Final First Leg too good an opportunity to miss.

Young Le(e) and myself made the familiar journey to Twerton Park, a particular favourite of mine for the way it looks like it was built on the cheap, in a hurry and with the builders only instructions being that they shun the use of a spirit level are make sure the part of the ground they are building should look like no other part of the ground. The importance of the nights game brought a good crowd and created for a vibrant atmosphere, generating much more than the usual polite Bath clap. A possible reason for the excitement in the crowd being that tonight was the night that Bath had chosen to launch the long anticipate Bath City FC fridge magnets, just in time for what was potentially the last game of the season. A double AiT thumbs up must go to the 80 or so Chelmsford fans who made the long trip across the country from Essex at such short notice to support their team, more of them later.

My excitement levels were first raised by the provision of not one, not two, but a bonus 3 (three) sausages with my chips and then his astronomical levels with the sight of Weymouth FC legend Super Jason Matthews in the crowd. The Jason Matthews. No really.

Not Jason Matthews

The Great Man. Even the woman in front of him knows she is in the presence of greatness. Just look at her face, just look at her face!!

What a man, possibly my favourite ever Weymouth player, a player who was there when we were really rubbish, still there when we were a bit worse, there when we were a bit better but didn't get much of a look in and still there when we got worse again before finally going to the Weymouth FC retirement home, Eastleigh FC. Also scorer of this goal.


Weymouth Keeper Goal

Tim Lovejoy | MySpace Video

And also a man who spoke to us for about 30 minutes on the night we won promotion to the Conference. If anyone has possession of my memory of that evening, or just that conversation, I am willing to offer a substantial reward for it's safe return.

The match itself was pretty decent, with Chelmsford making the most of the running and forcing a series of corners in the first half but not being able to convert any of their chances. I can't offer much more of an insight than that because I was far too focused about how I could get a picture for this here worldwideweb blog of a Chelmsford fan dressed as a parrot.

Half time came and I managed to fuck up the best opportunity of a picture as the half man/half parrot combo managed to walk straight past me when I was looking the other way, I blame young Le(e) for this missed opportunity as he was far too embarrassed to be seen with someone who's now sole reason for being at the match was to take a photo of a grown man in fancy dress.


In the second half Bath started to take control of the match, thanks to the midfield play of Lewis Hogg. A player who's claim to fame is that he once scored in a penalty shoot out to give Brizzle Rovers a victory over Everton in the League Cup, something he was probably to go onto regret after Ed(d) reminded him of this incident in the toilets of Bristol premier godawful student nightclub, The Works, in 2001(ish) mentioning this penalty and breaking all numbers of toilet behaviour etiquette rules in the process. To be honest I don't know if Hogg played well or not, the parrot was still in the ground and mentioning him was just a cheap way of shoehorning a rather boring anecdote in this here text box.

Bath took the lead on 60 minutes, so the Bath City website tells me, penalty by all accounts, leaving parrot man in a flap. A flap. Woeful punnage. I'd managed to slowly persuade young Le(e) to edge round the ground towards the Chelmsford fans in the cage in the away end. The execution of the photo itself was a beauty, two shots from the left and one from the right all captured the parrot/Chelmsford kit combo brilliantly. To be honest I don't know why I was worried, the guy was dressed as a parrot for fucks sake, he's clearly not shy.

Right wing parrot.

Left wing parrot

After about 80 minutes a mass handbag erupts, shoving and finger pointing aplenty and the ref brandishing the red card a couple of times, it's what we all like to see and it leads to a very niggly end to the match. Being a neutral at these tinpot matches you get to realise just how mental football fans can be after the parrot, and the other Chelmsford, fans go mental after a penalty appeal is turned down. It was never a penalty, a shocking dive but this didn't stop around 30 grown men embarking on a magnificent torrent of brutal swearing at the referee and I've not seen such swearing from a parrot since an episode of 'Thats Life' in 1989.

Bath then double there lead on 86 minutes with Weymouth reject Hector Mackie scoring, leaving the Chelmsford fans nauseous as a middle aged man dressed as a parrot. Yes! Sick as a parrot - had to be done.

Some match highlights here from the glorious Non League TV Services, with a soundtrack from an episode of 'Wish You Were Here'

The Match

Some more photos from the dark recesses of the AiT hard drive, a dark dark place. As the title helpfully suggests these are ones of some real life big/tinpot match action. If you click on them they photos are shown in wonderful huge technicolour and actually make them look half decent.

Part One - Sneaking in the ground.
Part Two - It's five minutes 'til kick off.
Part Three - The Teams

Crawley v Weymouth. 6th March 2004

Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007.

Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007. An actual worthwhile match action shot. Woman ref there. Bonkers.

Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Pass it, pass it!!! Think that's Berbatov in the middle there looking completely disinterested.

Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005

Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Jancker. Ha.

Highridge United FC v Chipping Sodbury Town FC. 30th January, 2010. Great save keeper!

Union Berlin v Dynamo Dresden. 8th March 2009. Oh dear. Match so boring that a man cycling a Kochmobile was the only match action shot I have of this game.

Some Hertha Berlin kids team v another kids team. 7th March 2009. Conclusive proof I really will watch any football.

FC Molenbeek Brussels v KAS Eupen. 30th November 2008. Conclusive proof I don't know what camera setting I need to use in the dark.

Royale Union Saint Gilloise v VCE Aalst. 28th Sept 2009.

Worcester City v Weymouth. 23rd January 2010.

AiT asked to design new Weymouth FC kit

Weymouth FC fans have been asked to come up with ideas for a new away kit and being the creative type I immediately got out my etch-a-sketch, some crayola crayons and one of them biros with 4 different colours and set to work on some ideas. Sadly they were all shit and I resorted to MS-Paint, where I produced something that was still shit but at least made it easier to put on this here computer internet thing.

I'm quite happy with the outcome, especially the cutting edge v-neck design, the mis shapen sleeves and the revolutionary little gap in the side of the left hand side of the shirt which will provide added aero dynamic qualities and give the Terras the all important edge in the "what the fuck is Zamaretto" Zamaretto league.

I am also pleased to unveil the exclusive AiT deal with Curtis is a Berk Industries. If my innovative ideas are taken on by the club, and I see no reason why not, then I will be announcing an exclusive deal which would see "Curtis is a berk" displayed all around the tinpot universe and give the brand message the exposure it deserves.

Up The Terras.

An attempt to convey how amazing a gig by Frightened Rabbit was.

Quite often I'm asked why I go to so many gigs, why do I spend so much money watching the same band over and over again, why don't I save my money for something worthwhile like a car or a house and why don't I try spending an evening in the fresh air rather than in a dingy venue watching a band that hasn't even had a song played by Mark Goodier on the Top 40.

Well, it's quite clear the people posing these questions aren't fans of music. They say they are, but they're the type of people who say they have a broad taste in music, when in fact broad means "shit". They're probably fans of Muse, Kasabian or Scouting for Girls, buy their CD's from Asda, go to see 2 bands a year at the local enormodome and even consider buying tickets for the musical shitfest that is V festival. Good for them.

Also, good for me as they weren't at the Frightened Rabbit gig on the Thekla in Bristol last month. Frightened Rabbit are the type of band that will never be mainstream, never be played by Mark Goodier and never be on sale in Asda. They are the type of band that anyone who has ever heard them will feel emotionally attached to, and this gig at the Thekla proves that.

Everyone in attendance at that gig was in awe of the band from the moment they slunk on stage and began playing songs from all three of their majestic albums. The crowd politely sung along with the heartfelt, sincere and yet also darkly comedic lyrics of Scott Hutchinson and swapped looks with loved ones/friends as each song seems to mean something special to everyone in the room. There's almost a sense of communal belonging in the bowels of the Thekla that night, the crowd elated to be witnessing such a perfomance and the band genuinely humbled that their music can appeal to, and reach, people in such a way.

The undoubted highlight of the gig however is the first song of the encore, the sublime 'Poke' sung acoustically and off mic by Scott. He beckoned the crowd close to the stage, stood in front of the speakers and seemingly sung the song, about the end of a relationship, to every individual in the sold out Thekla crowd. The song is sung beautifully, the crowd are respectful and everyone in attendance knows they are witnessing a special moment from a band that everyone here will treasure for the rest of their gig going days. On leaving the gig there is a special atmosphere in the crowd, snippets of conversations are overhead eulogising about how impressive the band were, strangers talk to strangers and struggle to find the words to describe what they have witnessed and outside people are almost in a state of disbelief caused by the emotional power of the performance they have just witnessed.

The feelings I get from moments like this are the reason I go to gigs, feelings you don't get anywhere else and a feeling that only the emotional impact of live music can have on you. These are feelings you don't get from listening to your Asda purchased CD at home.

Cheeky download:
Cover of 'Set You Free' (by N-Trance) by Frightened Rabbit. - Originally posted on Loft And Lost.