Sunday 22 June 2014

Sneaking in at SV Berliner VG 49

Sneaking in at SV Berliner VG 49


The BVB Stadion, home of Sportverein Berliner Verkehrsbetriebe 49 e. V., or  SV BVB 49 e.V. for short,  hosts an impressive crumbling ruin of a stand.

The stand was opened in 1922 and used as a sports facility for the workers of the nearby train station. Now, the stand is unused, protected by steel fencing and listed building status.  

During the Second World War the German anti aircraft forces were stationed here and the grounds used as a munitions storage. Whilst renovating the ground in the 1990's five tonnes of munitions and an unexploded bomb were found on the grounds.

Next to the stadium is an abandoned swimming pool, now full of manky water and home to a very lonely duck. The pool was built in 1928 and was used for training by athletes competing in the 1936 Olympic Games. After the war the pool remained unused until the 1970's when it was re-opened by the East German authorities, remaining open until the late 80's.




Sunday 15 June 2014

World Cup Tat

Flogging the World Cup....

AiT has long held the theory that companies will  try and flog any old shite by making a tenuous connection to football. At the last World Cup AiT's undercover reporter went into English supermarkets and successfully proved the theory, this time we've been out and about in Germany and the results are terrifying.

A World Cup themed sausage. Because Germans need encouragement to eat *more* sausages.  

Oh well played Axe. Well played. A sticker album of players wives. I've got a bathroom full of Java deodorant cans now after a failed attempt to complete this collection. Phwwwoooarr!! Chicks! 

Super noodles and football go together like a chicken and a speed boat. 

 A sad dog and some bowls of dog grub are used by the Deutsche Bahn to ehh....get people to travel on a train more often. Works for me.

It's toilet paper!!! Why do you need to put ANY advertising on it. It is what it is. It does it's job, we all buy it, there's no need for a football on the packaging. It's not gonna make me shit any more often! FFS!

Cardboard floodlights as part of an instore display. This works for me. This definitely works. AiT says "Drink Coca Cola, holiday are coming, drink Coca Cola, the real thing. Mmmmm, Coca Cola"


This is, genuinely, the mug of a young Rudi Voeller on the face of a Kinder chocolate bar. Didn't buy them. A picture of Frank Rijkaard gobbing in his perm and I would have cleared the shelves. 

 Holsten Pils! Who knew it still existed? Should have spent the money sponsoring Tottenham again.

 It's a mattress!! No one buys a mattress on a whim! No one thinks "oh, it's Switzerland v Ecuador in the magnificent spectacle that is the World Cup this afternoon and because of this I should purchase a new mattress at my earliest possible convenience."

Super Dickmann's. Super Dickmann's. Super! Dick. Mann.

The official DFB Fan bike set. Holy smoke. This is an "official" product. Football is "officially" dead to me.

Jogi Low looks absolutely delighted to be holding a sweatshop produced T-shirt that no one, absolutely NO ONE is ever going to wear. 

The text on the side says "with funny fan set to build". Jeez, the phrase "funny fan set" makes my skin bubble. 

Pringles have previous with AiT. They've pulled this stunt before and it wasn't funny then. 

Toothbrushes. I buy a new toothbrush once a year, whether I need it or not, buying three (even if they do look very pretty in German colours) is fresh madness.  

Although this milk drink is called Jose Strawberry the likeness to a certain high profile Premier League manager is fooling no one. Steve Bruce, get your lawyer on the phone!

Eggs painted to look like footballs. What has become of us as a race?

Saturday 7 June 2014

Blau Weiss Friedrichshain v FC Kreuzberg II

Heaven Is A Place On A Roof

Blau Weiss Friedrichshain 1-2 FC Kreuzberg II
Metro Fussballhimmel, Berlin
Kreisliga C, Berlin
Sunday 31st May 2014
Attendance 60 (ish)

Blau Weiss Friedrichshain play in the Kreisliga C, the lowest level of the Berlin league system, but on (get this irony fans - someone get Alanis Morissette on the phone) the highest pitch in Berlin. A pitch on the roof (THE ROOF!) of a Cash and Carry (A CASH AND CARRY!) Mmmm, now that’s good tinpot.

The stadium, which is a whole 12m off the ground (ok- we’re not talking breathing difficulties during World Cup Qualifiers in La Paz here), is tremendously called “Football Heaven” and yes, there is a stairway to Football Heaven. It has a 300 capacity, main stand on wheels and spectacular views over legendary all night disco party Berghain, the East Side Gallery the O2 World and the TV Tower.  It also has the type of Astroturf that would ruin your legs if went for a sliding tackle. It’d give you one of them nasty burns. One of them that rub away against your trousers for fucking ages.

Prior to this season Blau Weiss Friedrichshain were playing in Berlin’s “Freetime” league. During their first season in real tinpot they stand on the brink, some say cusp, of promotion if they could manage to avoid defeat against FC Kreuzberg II (Part Deux).

Kick off was at the lie in ruining time of 10am. Prior to kick off excited young Friedrichshain players enthusiastically go through pre prepared warm up routines. At the other end of the roof overweight Turks amble around, occasionally hoofing a ball, or stretching against the fence. Dolly Parton, Bryan Adams and Lily Allen loom large over the pitch, their pixelated faces flickering on the big screen dangled on the wall of the 02 World.

Word. Yo. 

The Blau Weiss Friedrichshain website demanded that the fans bring “something that is blue and white, a whistle, a rattle or a flare”. As it turned out the only thing anyone brought with them was a packed breakfast. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, messes with a Germans right to a leisurely weekend breakfast. At kick off no whistles are blown, no rattles are twirled or flares lit; instead the only noise comes from the rustling of paper bags full bread rolls, the tearing open of packets of salami and the pop of plastic lids covering cheese spreads being removed.

The breakfast club. 

In the time it takes a German to slap some cheese and salami on a bread roll a long punt down field leaves a surprised, and yawning, FC Kreuzberg II ("Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water”) striker through on goal. With a clear view of the whites of the keepers eyes, or in the bedroom windows of the 5th floor flats behind the pitch, he shuffles through on goal. One scuffed shot later and FC Kreuzberg II (The Smell of Fear) are ahead. Bread rolls are angrily chomped. My stomach rumbles. Even at 10:02am it’s berluddy hot, I could definitely have fried an egg on one of the seats.

Token match shot. 

FC Kreuzberg II (The Story Continues) are two nil ahead before breakfast has even reached the third serving of bread rolls. 12 minutes later and breakfast has now moved on to the fruit course and, more importantly given the vague notion of this being a football blog, Blau Weiss score a goal. The tremendously teutonically titled Fritz Fischer fires a shot across the roof that would have reached from the bakery section to the frozen pizza aisle of your standard Asda Wal-Mart supermarket.

The second half sees FC Kreuzberg II (and the Temple of Doom) battle to thwart BW Friedrichshain. Tempers, and layers of skin covering the knee caps, get frayed. Shouts of “we've got to work on Monday” and “you know how the pitch burns” accompany threats of physical violence. Unfit (but fitter than me)  men battle to contain energetic young ‘uns with a defensive system that consists of hoofing the ball as far as possible and an attacking strategy that focuses on shooting from miles out, because running towards goal just isn’t an option anymore. Somehow it works and, with breakfast drawing to a close, and discussions about lunch options beginning, the players of FC Kreuzberg II (The Legend Continues) fall to Heaven’s floor victorious and exhausted.