Some more photos from the dark recesses of the AiT hard drive, a dark dark place. As the title helpfully suggests these are ones of some real life big/tinpot match action. If you click on them they photos are shown in wonderful huge technicolour and actually make them look half decent.
Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007.
Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007. An actual worthwhile match action shot. Woman ref there. Bonkers.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FCKaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Pass it, pass it!!! Think that's Berbatov in the middle there looking completely disinterested.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FCKaiserslautern. 19th March 2005
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FCKaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Jancker. Ha.
Union Berlin v Dynamo Dresden. 8th March 2009. Oh dear. Match so boring that a man cycling a Kochmobile was the only match action shot I have of this game.
Some Hertha Berlin kids team v another kids team. 7th March 2009. Conclusive proof I really will watch any football.
FC Molenbeek Brussels v KAS Eupen. 30th November 2008. Conclusive proof I don't know what camera setting I need to use in the dark.
Royale Union Saint Gilloise v VCE Aalst. 28th Sept 2009.
WeymouthFC fans have been asked to come up with ideas for a new away kit and being the creative type I immediately got out my etch-a-sketch, some crayola crayons and one of them biros with 4 different colours and set to work on some ideas. Sadly they were all shit and I resorted to MS-Paint, where I produced something that was still shit but at least made it easier to put on this here computer internet thing.
I'm quite happy with the outcome, especially the cutting edge v-neck design, the misshapen sleeves and the revolutionary little gap in the side of the left hand side of the shirt which will provide added aero dynamic qualities and give the Terras the all important edge in the "what the fuck is Zamaretto" Zamaretto league.
I am also pleased to unveil the exclusive AiT deal with Curtis is a Berk Industries. If my innovative ideas are taken on by the club, and I see no reason why not, then I will be announcing an exclusive deal which would see "Curtis is a berk" displayed all around the tinpot universe and give the brand message the exposure it deserves.
Quite often I'm asked why I go to so many gigs, why do I spend so much money watching the same band over and over again, why don't I save my money for something worthwhile like a car or a house and why don't I try spending an evening in the fresh air rather than in a dingy venue watching a band that hasn't even had a song played by Mark Goodier on the Top 40.
Well, it's quite clear the people posing these questions aren't fans of music. They say they are, but they're the type of people who say they have a broad taste in music, when in fact broad means "shit". They're probably fans of Muse, Kasabian or Scouting for Girls, buy their CD's from Asda, go to see 2 bands a year at the local enormodome and even consider buying tickets for the musical shitfest that is V festival. Good for them.
Also, good for me as they weren't at the Frightened Rabbit gig on the Thekla in Bristol last month. Frightened Rabbit are the type of band that will never be mainstream, never be played by Mark Goodier and never be on sale in Asda. They are the type of band that anyone who has ever heard them will feel emotionally attached to, and this gig at the Thekla proves that.
Everyone in attendance at that gig was in awe of the band from the moment they slunk on stage and began playing songs from all three of their majestic albums. The crowd politely sung along with the heartfelt, sincere and yet also darkly comedic lyrics of Scott Hutchinson and swapped looks with loved ones/friends as each song seems to mean something special to everyone in the room. There's almost a sense of communal belonging in the bowels of the Thekla that night, the crowd elated to be witnessing such a perfomance and the band genuinely humbled that their music can appeal to, and reach, people in such a way.
The undoubted highlight of the gig however is the first song of the encore, the sublime 'Poke' sung acoustically and off mic by Scott. He beckoned the crowd close to the stage, stood in front of the speakers and seemingly sung the song, about the end of a relationship, to every individual in the sold out Thekla crowd. The song is sung beautifully, the crowd are respectful and everyone in attendance knows they are witnessing a special moment from a band that everyone here will treasure for the rest of their gig going days. On leaving the gig there is a special atmosphere in the crowd, snippets of conversations are overhead eulogising about how impressive the band were, strangers talk to strangers and struggle to find the words to describe what they have witnessed and outside people are almost in a state of disbelief caused by the emotional power of the performance they have just witnessed.
The feelings I get from moments like this are the reason I go to gigs, feelings you don't get anywhere else and a feeling that only the emotional impact of live music can have on you. These are feelings you don't get from listening to your Asda purchased CD at home.
Monday 5th April 2010 Toolstation League Division One
Bradford on Avon Sports and Social Club, Bradford on Avon Attendance: 60(ish)
What better way to spend Easter Monday than a stroll around a picturesque town on the River Avon, a pub lunch and some tinpot football? Well, yes I'm sure there are at least 17 better ways to spend the day but I'm sure this is the option the Lord would have wanted me to choose and it is his special weekend or something like that.
It was actually a honour to be in Bradford on Avon, it's not every due you get to spend time in the home of the the Victorian Tea Rooms, Britain's 'Tea Room of The Year 2009'. A cream tea wasn't the best pre-match meal so I and opted for a mediocre BLT sandwich in "the sports bar" of The Riverside Inn. Quite what made the barmaid designate this part of the pub as "the sports bar" wasn't obviously apparent. The three criteria I could see was a) a very shifty looking bloke perched uncomfortably on a bar stool streaming the Yeovil - Leeds game onto a laptop and then onto a filthy wall; b) a pencil drawing of David Beckham and c) a mangy dog chasing a tennis ball from the adjoining non sports bar.
The Bradford on Avon sports bar.
A warm welcome to Bradford on Avon.
After startling the man collecting the entrance fee, who wasn't use to seeing someone under the age of 60 in the ground, or arrive 45 minutes before kick off so I then had to sit awkwardly in a near empty ground. Still, plenty of time for a brew, in a proper mug (a proper mug!!) and enjoy the classic 60's tunes on the PA. They were all there, 'Why Must I Be a Teenager in Love' by Bobby Vinton, 'Heartbeat' by Buddy Holly and Claude Greengrass, and the not so classic 'Come Outside' by Mike Faran, which features call and response lyrics by an arguing couple - a musical genre that peaked with Ain't No Doubt by Jimmy Nail.
The warm up by AlmondsburyUWE, a side linked to the University of the West of England was tinpot comedy. Their warm up seemed to consist of a bit of leathering the ball around, throwing the ball at each other rugby style, some ridiculous chest bumping nonsense and a little shuttle run/jump/high five combo action. Quite how this was going to give them the edge in the game wasn't entirely obvious, they seemed to be re-enacting some sort of drunken student night shenanigans and I must admit to being disappointed that the Goalkeeper wasn't put in a shopping trolley with a traffic cone on his head and skidded into the gimmers on the bowling green next to the pitch whilst vomiting up a kebab.
The match itself was surprisingly pretty good, both teams played some nice football and some moves saw more than 4 passes put together, which is a novelty at this level. Bradford took the lead after 8 minutes after the ref gave a pretty dubious penalty after the Bradford striker was fouled after he'd shanked a shot into the brambles around the pitch when clean through. They score again not long before half time after a great little move which culminated in the portly number 10 distracting the non traffic cone wearing keeper with a pot noodle and scoring from 5 yards.
As is usual half time served as a break between the two halves of football, as is it's stated purpose. It's more important task today was to serve as the vessel in which the half time raffle for a bottle of Baileys would find its new home through some amazing work by an antiquated number generation machine. Thankfully I was two tickets away from suffering the ignominy of having to claim a bottle of the filthy liqueur and spend the second half holding it on the terraces and looking a bit more of a knob than I really needed to.
If only The National Lottery was carried out on such a wondeful contraption.
Back to the match. Both teams continued to knock it round nicely and Bradford extended their lead shortly after the Baileys break, with the number 10 scoring again from a couple of yards.
Back away from the match. There was a distinct lack of oddballs, other than myself, at the game and that was clearly a big disappointment for me, it's what the tinpot matchday experience is all about - No dogs in hoddies - nothing. It's all very respectable round here, sadly.
Token match shot.
And back to the match. The ref seemed to spend most of the match shouting at the players "don't foul", quite why he needed to do this I'm not sure. He's doing himself out of a job, if there's no fouls then there's nothing for him to do. Maybe he could offer a bit of alternate advice "twat him", "break the fuckers legs" every now and then just to liven things up a bit. I'd approve.
He also took a fair amount of stick from the Almondsbury manager, most of it unwarranted and maybe if he'd thought of a more rigorous training routine than some synchronised high five twattery his team might have been a bit more competitive. Exasperated with the ref the Almondsbury manager bellows "you've got short guy syndrome haven't you ref", which was as childish as it was ridiculous given the Almondsbury managers minuscule stature, hats off to the ref for grinning and nodding at the fat berk.
WeymouthFC v Weston Super Mare Saturday 3rd April, 2010 Conference South Wessex Stadium, Weymouth Attendance: 502
This weeks 'That Would Only Happen at Weymouth' moment.
Father of Weymouth player runs on pitch and attacks Weston Super Mare player (allegedly of course) after last minute defeat. Please, will this season just end now.
Crawley v Weymouth. 6th March 2004
Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007.
Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007. An actual worthwhile match action shot. Woman ref there. Bonkers.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Pass it, pass it!!! Think that's Berbatov in the middle there looking completely disinterested.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Jancker. Ha.
Union Berlin v Dynamo Dresden. 8th March 2009. Oh dear. Match so boring that a man cycling a Kochmobile was the only match action shot I have of this game.
Some Hertha Berlin kids team v another kids team. 7th March 2009. Conclusive proof I really will watch any football.
FC Molenbeek Brussels v KAS Eupen. 30th November 2008. Conclusive proof I don't know what camera setting I need to use in the dark. 
Royale Union Saint Gilloise v VCE Aalst. 28th Sept 2009.
Worcester City v Weymouth. 23rd January 2010.
Crawley v Weymouth. 6th March 2004
Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007.
Hertha Berlin II v Rot Weiss Erfurt, 15 April 2007. An actual worthwhile match action shot. Woman ref there. Bonkers.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Pass it, pass it!!! Think that's Berbatov in the middle there looking completely disinterested.
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005
Bayer 04 Leverkusen v 1. FC Kaiserslautern. 19th March 2005. Jancker. Ha.
Union Berlin v Dynamo Dresden. 8th March 2009. Oh dear. Match so boring that a man cycling a Kochmobile was the only match action shot I have of this game.
Some Hertha Berlin kids team v another kids team. 7th March 2009. Conclusive proof I really will watch any football.
FC Molenbeek Brussels v KAS Eupen. 30th November 2008. Conclusive proof I don't know what camera setting I need to use in the dark. 
Royale Union Saint Gilloise v VCE Aalst. 28th Sept 2009.
Worcester City v Weymouth. 23rd January 2010.
