Haringey & Waltham Development v Bethnal Green United

(The outskirts of) London Calling

Haringey & Waltham Development 7 (seven) - 1 Bethnal Green United

Coles Park, Haringey

Essex Senior League

Monday 6th May 2013

Attendance: 40 (ish)

"Haringey, you're embarrassing me!"

A managerial motivational class there from Haringey & Waltham Development's manager Tony Levoli. His team were 5-1 up at this point. However, if anyone was embarrassing Levoli it was himself when he said, "remember, making goals is more important than scoring them."

Now that's clearly outrageous wibble. Yes, that's exactly right Tone. Goals are really just an unsightly conclusion to some selfless approach play and, while we're chatting, congratulations on your teams seven assists to one goal victory.

Big shout out to all the groundhoppers in da house yo!

At least Levoli had a game to bellow his guff. A big round of applause please to Bethnal Green for turning up as they missed missed their last away way game at Takeley FC after getting stuck in traffic. 

Remember, owning a satnav is more important than knowing the postcode of the destination and adequately factoring in sufficient time to reach your required destination on a busy weekend for traffic in the direction of the nearby Stansted Airport. 

The pigeon stands.  

Fact alerts. Hold on to your hats as AiT cranks up the Fact-O-Matic 2000 to pad out this frankly paper thin blog. 

Fact 1:

Haringey and Waltham Development are the only team to play on White Hart Lane. Tottenham are fakers. 

Remember, getting people to think you play in a specific location is more important than actually playing at that specific location. The fact Bethnal Green turned up and didn't circle the car park of Tottenham's ground is a fact we should, maybe, be thankful for. 

Perceived artistic shot used to convey dryness of pitch.

Fact 2: Haringey and Waltham Development have atremendous club badge. No one can deny that huge fact nugget.

In order to get a better view of the game this cone had propped itself on a kneeling dog.

Fact 3: Haringey and Waltham Development were originally formed in 2000 as Mauritius Sports. In 2007 they merged to with Walthamstow Avenue & Pennant to form, obviously, Mauritius Sports Association UK. Other geographically leaning suggestions for team names such as The Brian Harvey Jacket Potato Massacre FC and (We're Gonna Rock Down to) Mauritius Avenue were never considered as Ive just made them up. Before the 2012/3 season the team became Haringey and Waltham Development when they decided the old name didn't fit with their corporate brand identity, or something, and the club merged with the "oh yeah I remember them” band Arrested Development. Mr. Wendal was immediately installed as first team manager. 

Remember: Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you. 

A snack clearly means a great deal to this man as well.

This season they have even merged with another team, why not. They've picked the superbly named Greenhouse Bethwin FC, a club named after one of Bob Geldof's less talked about children. One of the ones he keeps locked in the loft. 

The teams are embarrassed to line up and wave to the 23 people in at kick off. I'm not to embarrassed to wave back to the the 22 on the pitch. The ref tries his best to cheer everyone up by telling each player to"enjoy the game". 

Remember: Its more important to enjoy the game rather than win it. 

STRIKER! GOAL! Nice tree also pictured.

Enjoying it was difficult for Bethnal Green. Their keeper certainly didn't enjoy it, "fucking hell can we sort it", their number seven didn't enjoy it, "oh my goodness gracious me." I think Bethnal Green's manager, the diminutive (polite way of saying "fucking tiny") Anton Stephenson may have enjoyed the game only when urging his woeful team to "relax" at the same time as shoving one hand down the back of his trousers and undertaking a frantic soothing arse scratching session. 

Other people enjoying the surroundings were two old boys who were spending their bank holiday weekend in a fenced off area of a car park at a crumbling non league ground in the arse end of London, whilst listening to tinny dance music and firing down cans of Fosters. Why not? 

Remember – It's more important to drink responsibility rather than get mind numbingly drunk so you have the confidence to talk to the ladies. “So......do you come to Haringey & Waltham Development FC often then love?”

This was a poor quality end of season kick about played by 22 (twenty two) hungover men on a bone hard apology of a pitch in the shadow of a DIY superstore. I more than enjoyed the game. 

Remember, creosoting fences is more important than erecting them.