Monday, 21 May 2012

FK Beograd v Padinska Skela

AiT publications apprehensively presents:

The AiT Rough Guide to FK Beograd

Idiotic advice. Flimsy, at best, coverage. A buger to use.

FK Beograd 2-2 Padinska Skela
Sunday 6th May
Sprksa Liga - Belgrade
Stadion FK Beograd, Belgrade
Attendance: 100

As one of the world's most fiercest derbies the lure of the Belgrade derby, Partizan v Red Star, is obvious. A seething cauldron of hatred, a feast for the senses as a cacophony of chanting and flares serves to create an intimidating atmosphere. A must see for every football fan right?

Well yeah....I guess. If you like that sort of thing. But here at AiT Rough Guides we cater for a different type of tourist and this article will give the painfully single groundhopper all the information they need to successfully Lonely Fan-It (sorry) at a 3rd division Belgrade derby game FK Beograd.

Slightly bonkers club badge, Belgrade. 

Brief History:

FK Beograd were formed in 1929 and bumbled around until they won the Serbian 2nd division in 2000. However, they decided they couldn't be meithered with promotion and let Sartid Smederevo have a play with the big boys instead. They now play at the third level, in the Belgrade league, against pigeon fanciers Hajduk Beograd and the circus trick performing wolves of FK Sopot amongst others.

Arrival and Departure:

The ground is centrally located and easily accessible. For that unique Belgrade experience there's only one way to arrive to this game, in the way we did, by ramshackle Lada taxi driven by a bemused, god fearing driver. A taxi should cost no more than £5. Not the fare, the actual taxi. That car was a death trap. Watch out for local families travelling by horse and cart along the busy highway. No, really. 

Token match shot, Belgrade.


Those who make the effort to arrive in time for the 10am kick off are rewarded with a treat from the minute they step underneath the club logo sporting archway which marks the entrance to this magical world of tinpottery. 

The flats and hairdressers:
The ground is reached by walking past a kids park, and you're in. No turnstile. No terraces. Just a fence. One massive blue fence, all the way around the ground. Take a short walk around the ground and you'll walk through a large block of flats. While in the neighbourhood why not take advantage of the hairdressers, situated just behind the goal, and get yourself a trendy new Serbian haircut while watching the match. A unique experience. 

Watching football Belgrade style, eh. Belgrade. 

The Grass Bank and main stand:
For a great viewpoint of the game, and the surroundings areas, join the locals on the excessively steep grass bank, the gradient of which guarantees comedy tumbleage. The locals line up atop the overgrown slope, some bury themselves amongst the thistles, nestling into their usual, arse flattened patch of grass while others take their place in the main stand. A main stand made of 16 bits of cheap, roughly chopped wood. A main stand with a capacity of three. A MAIN STAND WITH A CAPACITY OF THREE! Keep the Belgrade derby, keep it. The Marakana? The Partizan Stadium. Pfft! Shove it! THIS is the most see destination for the AiT traveller this season. THREE SEATS!

Only the best frickin' stand anywhere. Sweet. Belgrade.

Seriously though, you've seen a better stand? You haven't. Belgrade. 

The Away End:
For those travelling to support the away team you will also be adequately catered for in a precipitous corner of the ground. From this vantage point you will be separated from the undergrowth dwellers by the world's flimsiest looking fence and some chip board which could be dislodged by an eager trail of ants.
Entrance: Free.

 Classic shopping bag, Belgrade.

The locals:

You'll do well to spot some of them. Some prefer to build a little nest and watch the game under a thick cover of undergrowth. 

Undergrowth man, Belgrade. Can you see him, can you, can you?

Undergrowth man, Belgrade. Can you see him now, can you, can you? 

Do watch out for the local nutter, a man who turns up late and is dressed in camouflage. Of course camouflage. You may not see him, but you will hear him. His bombastic advice is superfluously offered to the Beograd players all match long. Listen out for the cries of "uuppaa" and yossshh" echoing from the flats as the action gets frenetic. 

The uuppaa man takes a break, Belgrade.

If you're lucky you will witness a foolhardy local attempt to reach the bottom of the bank. The performance is spectacular. Watch as they begin the attempt by edging nervously sideways with the grace of a drunken crab with a dead leg. This then moves into an un-elegant, arms flailing pirouette, followed by an out of control heavy footed stagger, similar to that of an belligerent horse that's just viciously unseated it's rider, before culminating in a delighted look back to the appreciative crowd, who are by now in hysterical raptures at the magical performance, as the sanctuary of stable ground is reached. A must see. 

A precarious start, Belgrade.

An apprehensive middle. Top quality entertainment, Belgrade. 

Fence clinging success, Belgrade. 


The ground has a range of accommodation options to suit every budget.

Here you can achieve every tinpot travellers dream and stay in a flat overlooking the ground. Wake up, fart, scratch nackers, roll over, fart, step out onto balcony and BOOM! 3rd division Serbian football before your barely open peepers. Magical. £££

Sleep under the stars:

The ground caters for the budget traveller via a mattress at one end of the ground. This offers a unique match day experience and an awful nights sleep on a waterlogged, stuffing free, probably urine soaked, rancid single mattress. £

Budget accommodation, FK Beograd, Belgrade.

Eating and Drinking:

An old boy wanders round with a basket full of seeds. If you're feeling hungry he'll scoop some up in his hand and shove them into a paper cone for you. You probably won't feel hungry then. Try and have breakfast at your hotel. Sadly, hair of the dog beers are not available.


For those of you to fancy to piss in a bush (i.e. you're a woman) then there is a squat and drop toilet in the weird little house thing that doubles up the changing rooms at this magical bizarro-ground. 

Twitter's @theballisround takes a tumble to the delight of the locals. Belgrade.

Disabled access:

A wheelchair? On a grass bank that steep? Are you quite mad?


If you've heard a funkier tune that this one that soundtracks a couple of FK Beograd goals on that internet then you sir, or madam, or a liar. Whimsical folky nonsense not your thing? How about a rap about the club then? Or maybe play them both at the same time. No, stop it!

The match:

Oh yeah! Dunno, there was a three seater main stand and a steep grass bank. I watched very little of the game. I know there was a woman referee and a woman linesman. Soccerway says it finished 2-2. A THREE SEATER STAND!!

For some more on the game head over to The Ball is Round and for some proper photos have a look at Danny's Last's flickr and view them as a slide show.


  1. lol, story with this club is that one guy took over the club and illegally built this block of flats all around the field with the promise that it will build new stands, he is now in prison but club lost everything, anyway this is joke what they have now.

    also that club padinska skela comes from the part of belgrade of the same name which is famous for mental hospital and prison, so they are joke also.

  2. It was a slip not a tumble.....Drogba-esque

  3. Mare - Cheers for the update. Shocking story really, good to see the club is still going though.

    General - Arf.