Sunday, 26 May 2013

Haringey & Waltham Development v Bethnal Green United

(The outskirts of) London Calling

Haringey & Waltham Development 7 (seven) - 1 Bethnal Green United
Coles Park, Haringey
Essex Senior League
Monday 6th May 2013
Attendance: 40 (ish)

"Haringey, you're embarrassing me!"

A managerial motivational class there from Haringey & Waltham Development's manager Tony Levoli. His team were 5-1 up at this point. However, if anyone was embarrassing Levoli it was himself when he said, "remember, making goals is more important than scoring them."

Now that's clearly outrageous wibble. Yes, that's exactly right Tone. Goals are really just an unsightly conclusion to some selfless approach play and, while we're chatting, congratulations on your teams seven assists to one goal victory.

Big shout out to all the groundhoppers in da house yo!

At least Levoli had a game to bellow his guff. A big round of applause please to Bethnal Green for turning up as they missed missed their last away way game at Takeley FC after getting stuck in traffic. 

Remember, owning a satnav is more important than knowing the postcode of the destination and adequately factoring in sufficient time to reach your required destination on a busy weekend for traffic in the direction of the nearby Stansted Airport. 

The pigeon stands.  

Fact alerts. Hold on to your hats as AiT cranks up the Fact-O-Matic 2000 to pad out this frankly paper thin blog. 

Fact 1:
Haringey and Waltham Development are the only team to play on White Hart Lane. Tottenham are fakers. 

Remember, getting people to think you play in a specific location is more important than actually playing at that specific location. The fact Bethnal Green turned up and didn't circle the car park of Tottenham's ground is a fact we should, maybe, be thankful for. 

Perceived artistic shot used to convey dryness of pitch.

Fact 2: Haringey and Waltham Development have atremendous club badge. No one can deny that huge fact nugget.

In order to get a better view of the game this cone had propped itself on a kneeling dog.

Fact 3: Haringey and Waltham Development were originally formed in 2000 as Mauritius Sports. In 2007 they merged to with Walthamstow Avenue & Pennant to form, obviously, Mauritius Sports Association UK. Other geographically leaning suggestions for team names such as The Brian Harvey Jacket Potato Massacre FC and (We're Gonna Rock Down to) Mauritius Avenue were never considered as Ive just made them up. Before the 2012/3 season the team became Haringey and Waltham Development when they decided the old name didn't fit with their corporate brand identity, or something, and the club merged with the "oh yeah I remember them” band Arrested Development. Mr. Wendal was immediately installed as first team manager. 

Remember: Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you. 

A snack clearly means a great deal to this man as well.

This season they have even merged with another team, why not. They've picked the superbly named Greenhouse Bethwin FC, a club named after one of Bob Geldof's less talked about children. One of the ones he keeps locked in the loft. 

The teams are embarrassed to line up and wave to the 23 people in at kick off. I'm not to embarrassed to wave back to the the 22 on the pitch. The ref tries his best to cheer everyone up by telling each player to"enjoy the game". 

Remember: Its more important to enjoy the game rather than win it. 

STRIKER! GOAL! Nice tree also pictured.

Enjoying it was difficult for Bethnal Green. Their keeper certainly didn't enjoy it, "fucking hell can we sort it", their number seven didn't enjoy it, "oh my goodness gracious me." I think Bethnal Green's manager, the diminutive (polite way of saying "fucking tiny") Anton Stephenson may have enjoyed the game only when urging his woeful team to "relax" at the same time as shoving one hand down the back of his trousers and undertaking a frantic soothing arse scratching session. 

Other people enjoying the surroundings were two old boys who were spending their bank holiday weekend in a fenced off area of a car park at a crumbling non league ground in the arse end of London, whilst listening to tinny dance music and firing down cans of Fosters. Why not? 

Remember – It's more important to drink responsibility rather than get mind numbingly drunk so you have the confidence to talk to the ladies. “ you come to Haringey & Waltham Development FC often then love?”

This was a poor quality end of season kick about played by 22 (twenty two) hungover men on a bone hard apology of a pitch in the shadow of a DIY superstore. I more than enjoyed the game. 

Remember, creosoting fences is more important than erecting them.

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Dynamo Dresden v Energie Cottbus

Happy Birthday Dear Dynamo, Happy Birthday To You

Dynamo Dresden 1-0 Energie Cottbus
Rudolf Harbig Stadion, Dresden
2. Bundesliga
Sunday 21st April 2013
Attendance: 29,153

For this blog you're going to need two friends. Organise yourself into a straight line.

The first one of you shouts “DY” whilst jumping, when your daps hit the ground the second hops high and barks “NA” then the third springs up bellowing “MO”. Now repeat. Faster. Faster again. Now look at yourself. Shouldn't you be working?

This scene when played out with 9,000 yellow clad football fans doing it in perfectly regimented order across Germany's steepest terrace is quite a sight. The Dynamo Dresden fans are quite some fans.

This match was the first home game since Dynamo Dresden became old enough to claim it's Winter Fuel Allowance and turned sixty. There was a midweek firework display, the banks of the river Elbe were turned red through flares, streamers were ordered, a cake baked, celebrity guests invited, commemorative stamps and pin badges produced, someone invited the annoying neighbours and AiTinpot was named official media partner *cough*.

To get the party started the Dynamo fans raised 27,000 (twenty seven thousand) Euros from their own fans and had been working on the decorations for the party for 6 (six) weeks. The staggering display they produced shows each Euro cents well spent. 

The theme of the display was “Dynamo as a stage for the greats of the world” and consisted of cardboard caricatures of famous celebrities who had popped into the K Block to celebrate with Dynamo. Einstein, Maradona, Al Capone, Brad Pitt, Gorbachev, The Queen, Michael Schumacher were all in the K Block for the occasion. Apologies were received from Toni Di Bart and Rusty Lee. 
Really, you should watch the video. It's superb. It's below. Underneath the video are the AiT bonus commentary extras outlining my reactions. 

52 seconds: Set your eyes to “stunned”, lower your jaw until it reaches the “agog” position. 

1min: Begin to rock frantically in your chair with your mouth wide open. (Repeat until 2 min 04 seconds) 

1 min: 10 seconds. Say, very loudly, “shit the bed" 
1 min 32 seconds: Gasp as your hat is blown into orbit due to power of awe. 

2min 04s: Shout “Dynamo” over and over like your eyebrows depended on it and realise you've know started bobbing up and down on your heals. 

2 min 31 seconds: Squeal like a girl and clap your hands twice. (This actually happened) 

2min 32 seconds: Arrange your willy in a slightly upright position due to an unexplainable fizzy feeling in your undercrackers. (Obviously......ehhmm...this didn't happen.....) 

2min 40 seconds : Wave a small flag furiously. If you don't have a flag and bin bag will do. 

2 min 45: Notice you have goose pimples. 
3 min 15 seconds: Mouth “Fuck me this is brilliant”to the person next to you. If it could be European Footb, Twitt, Instragram's Danny Last then all the better.

To add to the occasion old eastern German foes Energie Cottbus had turned up and had made a display of their own while all this was going on. A display that bought change from Five Euros and took around 37 minutes to make but was effective as a juvenile two fingers up to the celebrations. They'd joined in with the party theme though, but with banners of cocks in the shape of birthday cake candles. Childish. Puerile. Funny

Grow up lads eh.

The match starts, you slump in your chair, mouth wide open and exhausted. 

Token match shot.

The highlight of the game happened before a ball was kicked. The match was largely an irrelevant epilogue to a brilliant display of passion and pride from those present. During the match five guys with megaphones orchestrated the unrelenting din whilst a 3,500 Euro drum provided a pulsating rhythm. The fans jumped up and down in synchronicity, undertook rhythmic hand claps routines, participated in chants where everyone whistled, waved huge Dynamo flags across every eye line and created a wonderful atmosphere fuelled by a battling Dynamo performance and victory.

The day after the tio display wasn't quite as spectacular as I remembered. 

The day after the clean up operation was under way in the stadium. Our superb tour guide Jens took great delight in showing us the K Block and indulging Danny and I as we excitedly rampaged through the rubbish left behind and giggly clambered on the Capo stand to lead the packed K Block no one in our hastily made up chants. Jens runs the Dresdner Football Museum which has exhibits all throughout the stadium, old DDR shirts, trophies and all provided with a commentary that leaves you in no doubt about how much this club means to the people of the city. As if it was ever in doubt after yesterday.

 Grow up lads eh...
Gorbi, apparently. 

Previously on AiTinpot, VfL Bochum v Dynamo Dresden.

More pictures of the making of the tifo display are here  and some from during the game here. 

Danny's pictures are here and there's more over here if you've really not had enough. I've not seen enough.